bleh

when i woke up could hear my grandpa making mumbly noises downstairs. he called my name a few times. i was kind of half asleep then half awake. it was ten o clock. no school today. had to decide: stay at home and watch movies, or go to the city? the door slammed, grandpa left.
had spent last night til late just looking at myspace profiles. felt sad. i dont know. i miss someone. i felt like a loser.
i feel like a loser.
on the bright side i watched cashback. which i really liked.
i left at about eleven thirty and got to brunswick st. the skyline was foggy and grey. i felt really depressed. i didnt even feel like stealing anything. was questioning the point of anything.

i went to an asian grocery and stole some japanese saki.

my skirt kept riding up so i had to kept pushing it down.

there was some sale happening, there were like cheap monday jeans, levis, sass and bide, for really cheap like 20-90 price range. i shoved some shorts down my jacket. there was a great bag but it was huge. i should have drank the saki and just stolen the bag because it was epic and i needed a bigger bag to go stealing with.
but i left because i felt really paranoid like people were staring at me, or through me, or something. some good stuff was tagged, but then i was questioning the point of having all this stuff. i was kind of sick of stealing. i was kind of sick of getting 'stuff.' i thought i had enough 'stuff.' my head was feeling a little light. i couldnt tell whether i was hot or cold. i got some kookai dress by shoving that down my coat too. ill probably wear it to formal.
so then i walked for a bit. the weather kept changing. i kept pulling my skirt down. i went to smith st. i was staring at everyone that walked past. i was in this strange starey mood. i wasnt really thinking anything much. i wasnt really going anywhere. i wandered into a few stores. everything was tagged. i didnt want anything. i went into a bookstore and got some art book. i thought of all the art books and magazines i had stolen over the past month. i hadnt even had a chance to look at them properly. i thought i might start staying home more and being productive. i cant decide whether to pursue a career in design or not.

i went and BOUGHT a grilled pork roll from some bakery. after i ate it i still felt light headed and bit sick. i realised i was thirsty.
i went and stole some ice tea from safeway. i shoved it down my sleeve. it beeped when i went out and they checked my bag. then i couldnt open it. i thought i felt sick maybe because i was dehydrated. there was a security guard at the ANZ bag. i asked him to open it. he cracked a joke about charging me and that i must be thirsty the way i guzzled my drink down. then he made a comment about my t shirt which had a comic on it. i thought it was nice of him to talk to me. but i was feeling kind of introverted and self conscious, so i smiled and nodded. he walked away and i felt sad, because sometimes when i feel social its nice to talk to strangers.

so i went home.

grandpa was standing outside my house for some reason. i dont know what he was doing. i think he is bored looking after me and my cousins while our parents are in europe. he chuckled when i greeted him by patting his back.
i put on the karaoke machine for him.
i thought i might start on my history revolutions notes. i couldnt be bothered learning about 1792.
i feel all sad.
i might go watch requiem for a dream.
i had accidently left my mobile home. i had 2 missed calls and one text. my friend had called me to hang out just as i got on the bus home. i felt sad about that. i would have liked some company. my friend called me on the home phone and we chatted for about half an hour about typical teenage stuff.

i still feel like shit, and a bit sore in places. i hate everyone and everything. i cant be bothered with homework. im going to go watch a movie. i cant be bothered cookign dinner. im pretty sure im going to lose weight by the time mum and dad get back.